“I am just kidding.”
“Dude, if you kid too much, you might just end up with a dozen!”
“That’s the worst PJ I have heard”
So, yeah! I am the PJ queen (my friends say so...) Not much of a title and I don’t get to strut around in a bikini and blow kisses to a raving crowd with a shiny tiara on my head. But it’s alright. To keep my title I just have to crack the most pathetic jokes people have ever heard.No, you don’t have to make them up all the time. You may pick some of what you’ve heard somewhere and just tell it like a story.
Let me warn you, the story ones might actually prompt somebody, maybe be your closest friend, to just pick up a knife and butcher you. Oh no, they wont be happy with just stabbing or slicing. How do I know? I get that look a lot. That’s when I know I have to run.
There are some PJs which you can repeat;
all the time.
“hey! I am hungry.”
“Hi hungry, pleased to meet you.”
That’s not original. But you keep doing that over and over again and I can tell you my friends are this close (0.0069mm gap between thumb and index finger) to killing me.
“I am so hungry I could eat a horse right now!”
“That’s a weird name you’ve got. Pleased to meet you anyway.”
“I am so going to kill you”
“Never heard of a Chinese with such a long name. Pleased to…” Slapping and thumping in the background.
Annoying knock, knock jokes. Oh the joy of telling them.
“Knock, Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Mos”
“Mos who?”
“Mosquito”
There’s that look again. Just a blank stare. The you-did-it-again look.
“Knock, Knock”
“Who’s there?”
“Anna”
“Anna who?”
“Anna-ther mosquito.”
Now, I get the raised eyebrow look. That’s like a warning. If you get one more word out of your mouth, I am going to cut you up into teeny-weeny pieces and flush you down your toilet.Not difficult to stop then, is it.
I started narrating a really spooky story once, during a pyjama party. Of course, I had an audience who were engrossed; some even had their fingers in their ears. Thing is, this was just another ruse to get people to listen to me. And when this ‘spooky’ story ended up as a detergent commercial, I was mauled. 15 people huddled in thick blankets and expecting the ghost to eat up the victim; I didn’t stand a chance.Sometimes I like to just cut short my friends, when they speak.
“I am so tired of this bad coffee…”
“Well, that’s a funny surname you have but pleased to meet you”
The you-did-it-again look.
“Man, I went out in the hot sun yesterday afternoon and…”
“Never heard of a cold sun, have you?”The that-was-a-bad-one look
“Oh shoot…”
“You? Gladly!”
Ok, now this is when the staring starts. The will-you-stop-it look.
“I am so going to kill you.”
I get this a lot.
“Hi ‘So’, pleased…”And then you just run.
I sometimes wonder why my boyfriend hasn’t left me yet. I guess his tolerance level is high. What’s supposed to be a mushy romantic conversation ends like this.
BF: I love you too.
Me: Me too. Great band.
But then sometimes he is just as bad. :P
Me: You know what?
BF: Yeah! He invented the steam engine.
A combination of the zombie look and the will-you-let-me-finish look isn’t a pretty sight. Yeah, I have thought of auditioning for ‘Evil Dead 4 – Return of the Mangled Prom Queen’.
And before you start pulling out the hairs from your nostrils, assuming that you have already pulled out all the hair from your head, this is me signing off.
Showing posts with label hehehe. Show all posts
Showing posts with label hehehe. Show all posts
Monday, May 26, 2008
Saturday, April 12, 2008
A Dream Date!!!
Last night I went out on a dream
Nah not a date in my dreams…well almost his dreams actually…. That goes so well with what I have been thinking about these days. I was on the net and answering my mails like a good girl, awake at midnight. When a friend came on line. I was so in need of friends at that time, a little sad, and I hate sad, so I hailed him and said hello!
We talked for awhile about stuff like whatz up? Whatz down? And what’s in the middle? That kinda covered it all. Then we talked about dreams…scary ones, funny ones…he asked me if my dreams came true…and I said some felt a lot like de javu.
I told him about a dream I had of being submerged in water…and that was just before Mumbai drowned after rains. He was suitably impressed. He asked if all my dreams came true. I was like…lots do but some don’t. I have this recurring dream about Richard gere and me. That has never come true. I had such hopes while he was in India…but well that dream happened to Shilpa. Then there’s this one about John abs…not just his abs which are cool! The whole of him that is hot! But that one hasn’t come true either…Bips always interferes even in the dreams. My friend, did I tell you how good a friend he is…he said I’ll dream of bips and u dream of john , so bips won’t bother you and john won’t bother me.
Then we went on to his dreams…which were full of fights, jumping buildings…car chases and yea skimpily clad gals…sheesh men are so obvious even in their dreams!!!!!!
Then I mentioned a red Ferrari.
Just last night I had a dream about a red Ferrari...NO I AM NOT ODD! DON’T TRY TO STEER ME TOWARDS YOUR COUNCH! REFFY! RED FERRARI"S ARE....special!In My dream the red Ferrari convertible was glossy, wonderful to touch...the feel, the sight, I loved it. With a passion. The drive was wonderful, smooth...fluid, pickup smooth...fast...I flew. I am so hot behind the wheels, the person sitting beside gets cold, and colder, and out cold as I drive, or is fly the correct word! Lol.
It was a sensual experience...
Friend that he was, he bought a red Ferrari in his dream and guess what! allowed me to drive! Of course I had to wear skimpy clothes…of my choice…so tee shirt and shorts it was, he might have disappointed but well he knows I know karate so didn’t say much…Actually so does he. So off we went on a drive, to a beach…on a straight road which only curved when I steered the wheel. I was bare feet. No other way to drive, you need to feel the pulse of the car. We were discussing the music…I had already checked the engine…
Sigh! You think I would let a chance like that go?
Sitting inside I handed him a cup of hot coffee. Not considerate, just sensible…friends or not HE is a man and it was his dream. Precautions. Music was discussed, from doors, metal, dark stuff I did not understand, Simon n garfunkel, Sufi, Kailash, abida, but we settled on, yeah you guessed right…was not going to settle on anything else his dream or not…just let him feel as if it was a fair choice…Santana’s Black magic Woman. What better song to hear while driving a red Ferrari convertible with a good buddy sitting beside.
Off we went…packed food, fresh baked soft bread, cheeses, fruits, chocolates and he had put a stick of opium too…Wow…what a drive it was…we flew. High. We reached the beach by night; Bangalore to goa takes that long, even in dreams…
Long lonely empty stretch of a beach, beautiful sea, with moonbeams dancing on it, the songs of the seas, star lit night sky, darkest blue. We were lying on the beach looking up at the sky. Contemplating the stars, universe, life, just enjoying each others silences.
He pointed out the Orion, the only constellation he knew, I pointed out the great bear, the small string of stars forming a necklace…n a couple of more. Then I asked him if he could dance…Well of course it was his dream so yes he could and like God too! I laughed, I dance the salsa, took lessons for a year…careless whispers…That’s the song we danced to. Pay attention. It was a beautiful dance. Twirls, whirls, twists, flings, dramatic and wonderful. We were laughing from the sheer joy of it. It ended, and then came a tiny moment, when I was sure he might kiss me, it was his dream after all, so I asked him if he had wave surfed before, He said some thing deep about the currents and pulls in different directions and soul and mind…I was too mellow from the chocolate for that kind of depth, I pushed him hard, he fell and I took off…towards the sea…he followed. We had such fun, wave surfing, dunking each other in the sea; All the horse play had made me hungry again, Hungry for FOOD. So we had strawberries dipped in chocolate and chocolate ice-cream.
If you think I didn’t realize there were two aphrodisiac’s in the food list, you don’t know me. I knew, but one does not need to state the obvious. After food there was again a moment…but it passed because he almost passed out. (He is so going to not agree to this and protest! But even if it is his dream, this is my story) so I drove him home. Tucked him in bed, and bunked on his sofa, I don’t leave friends high and dry, not even in their dreams.
We might have ended up in the same bed…his dreams after all, but you see we didn’t,
Innocence is rare. And beautiful. And friends are rarer.
That was then my dream date. A mind date. This is any day better than a blind date.
And guess what? I got to keep the Ferrari!
Nah not a date in my dreams…well almost his dreams actually…. That goes so well with what I have been thinking about these days. I was on the net and answering my mails like a good girl, awake at midnight. When a friend came on line. I was so in need of friends at that time, a little sad, and I hate sad, so I hailed him and said hello!
We talked for awhile about stuff like whatz up? Whatz down? And what’s in the middle? That kinda covered it all. Then we talked about dreams…scary ones, funny ones…he asked me if my dreams came true…and I said some felt a lot like de javu.
I told him about a dream I had of being submerged in water…and that was just before Mumbai drowned after rains. He was suitably impressed. He asked if all my dreams came true. I was like…lots do but some don’t. I have this recurring dream about Richard gere and me. That has never come true. I had such hopes while he was in India…but well that dream happened to Shilpa. Then there’s this one about John abs…not just his abs which are cool! The whole of him that is hot! But that one hasn’t come true either…Bips always interferes even in the dreams. My friend, did I tell you how good a friend he is…he said I’ll dream of bips and u dream of john , so bips won’t bother you and john won’t bother me.
Then we went on to his dreams…which were full of fights, jumping buildings…car chases and yea skimpily clad gals…sheesh men are so obvious even in their dreams!!!!!!
Then I mentioned a red Ferrari.
Just last night I had a dream about a red Ferrari...NO I AM NOT ODD! DON’T TRY TO STEER ME TOWARDS YOUR COUNCH! REFFY! RED FERRARI"S ARE....special!In My dream the red Ferrari convertible was glossy, wonderful to touch...the feel, the sight, I loved it. With a passion. The drive was wonderful, smooth...fluid, pickup smooth...fast...I flew. I am so hot behind the wheels, the person sitting beside gets cold, and colder, and out cold as I drive, or is fly the correct word! Lol.
It was a sensual experience...
Friend that he was, he bought a red Ferrari in his dream and guess what! allowed me to drive! Of course I had to wear skimpy clothes…of my choice…so tee shirt and shorts it was, he might have disappointed but well he knows I know karate so didn’t say much…Actually so does he. So off we went on a drive, to a beach…on a straight road which only curved when I steered the wheel. I was bare feet. No other way to drive, you need to feel the pulse of the car. We were discussing the music…I had already checked the engine…
Sigh! You think I would let a chance like that go?
Sitting inside I handed him a cup of hot coffee. Not considerate, just sensible…friends or not HE is a man and it was his dream. Precautions. Music was discussed, from doors, metal, dark stuff I did not understand, Simon n garfunkel, Sufi, Kailash, abida, but we settled on, yeah you guessed right…was not going to settle on anything else his dream or not…just let him feel as if it was a fair choice…Santana’s Black magic Woman. What better song to hear while driving a red Ferrari convertible with a good buddy sitting beside.
Off we went…packed food, fresh baked soft bread, cheeses, fruits, chocolates and he had put a stick of opium too…Wow…what a drive it was…we flew. High. We reached the beach by night; Bangalore to goa takes that long, even in dreams…
Long lonely empty stretch of a beach, beautiful sea, with moonbeams dancing on it, the songs of the seas, star lit night sky, darkest blue. We were lying on the beach looking up at the sky. Contemplating the stars, universe, life, just enjoying each others silences.
He pointed out the Orion, the only constellation he knew, I pointed out the great bear, the small string of stars forming a necklace…n a couple of more. Then I asked him if he could dance…Well of course it was his dream so yes he could and like God too! I laughed, I dance the salsa, took lessons for a year…careless whispers…That’s the song we danced to. Pay attention. It was a beautiful dance. Twirls, whirls, twists, flings, dramatic and wonderful. We were laughing from the sheer joy of it. It ended, and then came a tiny moment, when I was sure he might kiss me, it was his dream after all, so I asked him if he had wave surfed before, He said some thing deep about the currents and pulls in different directions and soul and mind…I was too mellow from the chocolate for that kind of depth, I pushed him hard, he fell and I took off…towards the sea…he followed. We had such fun, wave surfing, dunking each other in the sea; All the horse play had made me hungry again, Hungry for FOOD. So we had strawberries dipped in chocolate and chocolate ice-cream.
If you think I didn’t realize there were two aphrodisiac’s in the food list, you don’t know me. I knew, but one does not need to state the obvious. After food there was again a moment…but it passed because he almost passed out. (He is so going to not agree to this and protest! But even if it is his dream, this is my story) so I drove him home. Tucked him in bed, and bunked on his sofa, I don’t leave friends high and dry, not even in their dreams.
We might have ended up in the same bed…his dreams after all, but you see we didn’t,
Innocence is rare. And beautiful. And friends are rarer.
That was then my dream date. A mind date. This is any day better than a blind date.
And guess what? I got to keep the Ferrari!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Benazir and Urdu? You must be joking
Well…….i had read this in the newspaper long time ago…today while cleaning my room (thts my favourite passtime as I am jobless these days ;-) ) I found it and I think this will give a good laugh. Just read on…..
Oxford-educated Pakistani leader Benazir Bhutto’s clumsy speeches in urdu sprinkled with english words have become a good way to pep up party converstaions in Pakistan. Jokes and even videos are being circulated on the internet.
At the joint press conference with Nawaz Sharif on Monday night, Bhutto struggled to put her views to the media in urdu “kayee demands kubool kiye gaye hain, date of election diya gaya hai, emergency khatam ki gayi hai, emergency khatam karne ka date diya gaya hai……..yeh bahut significant acceptance hai” she said.
Cross-dressing TV host Ali Saleem, famous for mimicking Bhutto, plays the former PM in the video.
Though Saleem’s “hum courage nahi loosenge” and “promises fullfillange” are exaggerated examples of urdu.
But it isnt just Bhutto who is being accused of mauling Urdu. President Musharaff is also believed to be a sinner. Musharraf’s one liners especially from his speech after the imposition of emergency - “mera total control tha”. “Islamabad mein bahut extremist bharay hue hain” and “ extremism bahut extreme ho gaya hai” have been widely circulated.
Oxford-educated Pakistani leader Benazir Bhutto’s clumsy speeches in urdu sprinkled with english words have become a good way to pep up party converstaions in Pakistan. Jokes and even videos are being circulated on the internet.
At the joint press conference with Nawaz Sharif on Monday night, Bhutto struggled to put her views to the media in urdu “kayee demands kubool kiye gaye hain, date of election diya gaya hai, emergency khatam ki gayi hai, emergency khatam karne ka date diya gaya hai……..yeh bahut significant acceptance hai” she said.
Cross-dressing TV host Ali Saleem, famous for mimicking Bhutto, plays the former PM in the video.
Though Saleem’s “hum courage nahi loosenge” and “promises fullfillange” are exaggerated examples of urdu.
But it isnt just Bhutto who is being accused of mauling Urdu. President Musharaff is also believed to be a sinner. Musharraf’s one liners especially from his speech after the imposition of emergency - “mera total control tha”. “Islamabad mein bahut extremist bharay hue hain” and “ extremism bahut extreme ho gaya hai” have been widely circulated.
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