GOODBYE, BLUE SKY :-)

Grey clouds were closing in, the breeze gathering dust bring in the smell of the trees, flowers...the ground, and the first rain.
I feel humid.
In anticipation I walk to the window.

It started drizzling. Pleasant – a cloudy day, I went out to feel the drops on me. Fresh water, drops landed on my nose, forehead, eyes, mouth, hands...and the breeze that came by. That was him saying Hey to me.
I smile;
I open the door and step out and I blush and I open my arms wide to take it all in.
Whispers of hugs in the air... I smell it. Love’s in the air. Spring is in.

It showered. Drenching me, my hair to toe... I stood there, taking it all in. More than a hug, reached in places...ears, neck, hands and and runs through my spine... touching me feet. I feel the rain in every where in me.

I smile with glee. Like a little child, now greedy for more. I wrap my arms around me, smiling. Feeling the rain... from head to toe drenched in love. Embraced in love, now I smell like fresh rain and the breeze brings in the scent of white jasmine flowers. Showers bring love.

It was pouring, I stood there, it is not every day I get soaked, I might catch a cold, even a fever...I remember warmth, heat as I stand in the rain. My body heat rises in the thrill. I tried to keep my eye open, to see how it pours, but close my eyes and just feel it.

The rains brings the heat on.I twirl around welcoming the rains – the ground beneath my naked feet sticky, arms around me snuggling, smile in my face - welcome spring.

I love when grey clouds close in. I smell spring in the air.

p.s: For people who know me...its a little wierd that i am writing "stuff" like this....but cant help... :P

METAMORPHOSIS

I feared to stand on my legs until mom held me and taught me to walk

I feared to go to school until I got a friend

I feared friendship until I knew it was true

I feared sharing until I knew I don’t lose anything but rather gain

I feared darkness until I learnt it was just the absence of light

I feared being alone until I started to love myself

I feared to look at myself until I discovered I was gorgeous

I feared disappointment until I learnt not to expect

I feared confusion until I discovered there is always clarity after it

I feared challenges until I found that it leads to my growth

I feared competition until I understood that I am the best

I feared victory until I knew the way to capture it again

I feared failure until I learnt to believe in myself

I feared the past until I learnt to derive lessons from them

I feared future until I discovered that every new day is the threshold of beautiful surprises

I feared back talks until I understood that anyways I can’t stop it

I feared truth until I realized the malice in lies

I feared refusal until I understood it pushes me to prove

I feared happiness until I knew it started from within

I feared hurt until I knew life is not a bed of roses

I feared life until I learnt that it is beautiful

I feared death until I realized it is not the end but beginning

I feared destiny until I found out I have tremendous power to change my life

I feared hatred until I discovered it was due to ignorance

I feared love until I got ‘Him’

I feared ridicule until I learnt to giggle at myself

I feared getting old until I discovered I’m becoming sensible each day

I feared change, until I learnt that it is metamorphosis that changes an ugly cocoon into a beautiful butterfly

JUST MY RAMBLINGS!!!!!

Ah’m back! I can’t help sounding like Arnold Schwarzenegger. The absence from the blog space was not particularly because of any x, y or z reason. Nothing has kept me overtly occupied.

I remain partially employed, footloose, contemplating what to do, how to become a cleave cat with a fat bank balance, still looking for direction, chasing dreams. With another birthday hovering on my head these words (looking for direction) sound feeble and trite, as if they have been plucked out of from the thought process of a moronic child. Sometime things seem to be closing in on me.

Why should I come to terms with the whole world and meet the standards?

Quite a few like me would understand what I’m trying to say and others can call me a clueless goof.

Normally when it comes to writing, I have an odd sense of compulsion to write about certain scruffy villains, the recent one being religious fundamentalism, mob molestation, social snobbery, Modi and the Moditva. I don’t want to talk about them. Why should I bullshit the bullshitter? Enough egg has been scrambled on the face of the squalor of Indian Politics. Mob molesters once again proved how unsafe and underpowered women are. The religious fundamentalist were woefully wrong in their prognostication. Democracy did not die with Benazir in Pakistan.

On my scattered desk I can see the picture of an activist of Samajwadi Party, who set himself ablaze during his party's protest in Delhi against Uttar Pradesh chief minister. I do not want to go into the rights and wrongs of the particular case but I feel sorry for the family of this gentleman whose existence has been reduced to few lines on a national daily newspaper and had 60 seconds slot on the national channel. What good has he done to his party or the sobbing family he left behind? Arrant Nonsense. I do not want to discuss this either.

From the window of my study, the sunshine paves it way. The orange rays flirt with my face. I wonder how all my fears dissolve in the sunlight. A brighter day is all that i pray for. I can hear tweaking of a child’s balloon and flap of pigeon’s wing. Everything looks fine. There is peace inside me. God has been fairly kind. In life some things that happen are at times beyond us, we don’t have an answer. There are many scores of faces I have added to my existence in all these years. There are people, I wish to meet again and thankfully there is no one I feel I should have never met.

I presume this is life. Why we tend to ignore small pleasures and hunt for the jackpot. Does one need to put life on hold and search for happiness outside the confines of daily existence? Why people like me run amok in the pursuit of elusive happiness. Life is meant to be lived in phases. Kabhi khushi kabhi gham. The forthcoming khushi is my cousin’s wedding. The imminent gham is her leaving home.

What’s bothering me is that there would be no one to disturb me from deep slumber, with whom I would bicker about creating mess in the room and I wouldn’t be sending the standard text message “ when will you reach home” in the evening.

I am absorbed in my own thoughts, and the view outside somehow enters my absorptions. The 100 watt smile frame on the screensaver catches my attention. In the 19 sheltered years of my life, I have never known anything remotely resembling tragedy. Last year in October when my dog died, it stuck me hard. She did everything ordinary with an extraordinary effect. It takes merely few minutes to fade away. What leaves behind is the impression we create and the human lives we touch.

Why hacks like me still wonder what to do with their existence ?

IT"S RAINING MEN!!!!!! (Statutory Warning: Read at your own risk!!!!!)

It's raining men!

Halleluyah!
It's raining men!

Alright! Alright! Calm down everyone!

That was a complete fabrication!

As you can see, it is NOT happening!

However, the way I'm smiling these days it may as well be raining men!

The way I'm smiling you would be forgiven for believing that men are falling from the skies in torrents!

Not your ordinary run-of-the-mill guys either, but HUNKS!
Hunks with an uncanny resemblance to Kunal Kapoor!
Wait a minute!
There are some George Cloonies too.
And if I'm not mistaken that’s Tom Cruise!
Good Lord! Is that a Ashton Kutcher??? (I LOVE HIM!!!)

No! No! Sorry! My mistake!

So there I am smiling away as though it really is raining men.
Raining tall, dark and handsome specimens!
And, as if the above were not enough, they are only semi clad!
Muscles rippling, Abs displayed in all their glory, eyes hooded and mysterious, lips begging....

Oops!
I do think I'm getting a bit carried away!

This blog isn't even about men!
It most certainly isn't about rain.

It is about why I am smiling all the time.
And how this perennial smiling is impacting my life!


Let me start with first things first.

The fact of the matter is I’m smiling ever since I started blogging!
Not surprisingly, I'm on high alert at all times!
Never a moment of rest for me since the fateful day I registered at blogger.com.

• I’m thinking of the blog I read that morning, and I'm smiling because I can’t forget the humor laced in it.
  
• Some other day a racy blog, ripe with double entendres, will see me grinning from ear to ear all day.
  
• Or I might be reveling in a comment I got for my latest post, something cheeky, something naughty, guaranteed to stretch my lips from sunup to sundown.
  
• Finally, if my muse has been generous I may be living out my next blog. That is when I smile the most and the widest! I plot and plan and clip and crop and hum and haw, all in my mind. Smiling, always smiling!
  
  You would imagine that a smile couldn't possibly have adverse consequences.
  You would imagine that a mere stretching of the orbicularis oris 24x7 couldn't bring grief upon the stretcher.
  
  Well, you'd imagine wrong!
  

There are always consequences, even Newton said so!

Here’s what happens when you smile ALL the time:


The fellow in the red Santro who has been weaving in and out of your lane decides to slow down and let you pass. You graciously incline your smiling face, acknowledging his chivalry. Only to discover that he wants to stay behind you so he can follow you to where ever you are going. You realize that he doesn’t know the difference between a ‘come hither’ look and a smile engendered by the sheer joy of blogging! You glare at him, forgetting to switch off the smile. This results in a grotesque contortion of your facial features. The poor Romeo is permanently cured of his lust and falls several cars behind ;-)

You’ve reached the hospital by now, your smile threatening to blind one and all. Your Residents think they can pull one off on you. You ruthlessly brush aside all their leave applications, and other frivolous excuses, wondering if you can generate a blog out of it all!

Your patients think you are the reincarnation of Florence Nightingale. Everybody loves a smiling doctor, wouldn’t you think? Not true. Ask the patient who notices you are smiling as he recounts his litany of ocular woes. He is likely to ask for a transfer, and request psychiatric consultation for you!

( P.S. I am NOT a doctor.....its just an example...actually the day other me and Dr.Archana were discussing this topic....and she came up with these situations.....so thanks to her!!)

Not a happy situation, smiling all the time.

What to do? What to do?

Can’t stop smiling!
Can’t stop blogging!

Can’t see the room mess piling up.

Can’t see the reminder from the lecturer to send in the microcontrollers chapter for the microprocessors book.

Only sure cure is for somebody to take away my laptop.

Or, better still, surgically remove the centre in my brain that screams blogger every time I pick up my laptop to complete the darn chapter!

I hope Siddu doesn’t read this ;-)

He knows some neurosurgeons :P
Meanwhile, it’s raining men!

Blank Thoughts

It’s just so weird ...this thing called life. Isn't it? You feel you are dreaming sometimes and something just floating on the waves of time.

Sometimes I feel so alive, so conscious of life, so conscious of myself.

And then, like yesterday, I felt standing in front of this wall called life.
And sometimes I feel so powerful, ready to take my life in my own hands and then I leave my life at the door of something and someone I call God. I stand up against life and sometimes walk shoulder to shoulder with it.

I wonder if life is like a piece of cake and everybody gets a piece of it, just to taste and admire and then gulp it down. Weird thoughts are flooding my mind...I feel overpowered by my thoughts today.

I went to the shop and looked around; I found fragrant perfumes and glittery dresses, aromatic candles and fresh coffee..But I was looking for something that tells me what is real and what is not.I looked around smiled and came out...empty handed. I wonder if something had died within me or if something took birth. Don’t know. Just passing time with life. I wonder if somebody looking down at me or am I just floating around like a speck of dust

I wonder if I am crazy with these thoughts or everybody thinks the same!!!

Indo-China veg rice

boring eh?! the title?

Well.......apart from blogging and singing....cooking...yes cooking is my passion......i plan to open a restaurant later.....(big dreams!!!! i know i know!!!!)

I dedicate this recipe to all those road-side cheap chinesewalla of mumbai streets ;)(had been there this vacation...)

Well, it's not that great how they make it, but can't beat those masters, can we?! ;)

This is how I make it and really enjoy it, being so full of veggies.

Ofcourse, people closest to me, unsure about it, being so plain again.

I personally like my food a little on plain side.

To cut my lecture and woes short, here it is...

taa daaa!!

Ingredients:-

Olive oil

Rice

Garlic (lots)

Ginger (as per your taste)

Green chillies (as per your taste)

Carrots

Green bellpepper

Cauliflower

baby corn

green beans

spring onions

mushrooms (optional)

peas (optional. it's a personal fav so i used it as if it grows in my backyard. even though i do not have a backyard!)

Soy sauce

Chinese chilli sauce (some famous brand) - optional if you used loads of green chillies

Salt (to taste)

pepper (to taste)

Monosodium glutamate (optional, have heard it's not good)

Method:-

1) Soak, boil, sieve basmati rice(or any long grain rice).

2) Let it cool

3) Now, in a non-stick pan, heat a little-more-than-some olive oil

4) add green chillies (slit), garlic and ginger(both crushed).

5) Add the veggies.

6) Make sure it's all covered and cooked well. Please don't overcook them as we want a little

cruchiness.

7) Add salt, pepper, soy sauce, chilli sauce, msg

8) Add rice.

9) Mix well. let it cook uncovered.

10) serve (recommended with a chinese gravy)

Fingers crossed. I love it :)

B for Boyfriend

The following are certified and well established facts of my life:

1) I did not have a boyfriend.

2) I do not have a boyfriend.

3) Now there will not be any future tense implications here.

4) In my (deranged) life, I came across 5 boys whom I genuinely believed, at that time, to be the perfect match for me.

5) Two months later (and in the special case-2 days later), I was made to comprehend and appreciate the true size of the hole that I had been digging for myself.

6) The last one, I guess, just forgot about my very existence.

7) Right now, I am actively debating the existence of my life partner.All my close circle of friends are either committed or are making steady progress up the commitment ladder.

Now before I venture into unknown territory, I want to make myself very clear that I have nothing against any boy or girl already involved in a relationship. All of you have my heart-felt wishes.

The very concept of a boyfriend is mind boggling. At the same time it gives rise to these never-felt-before emotions and the 24 hour –desire to be with one’s boyfriend. It ruptures the very fabric of the age factor. And speaking of age-no-barrier, a lot of things spring into my mind.

Consider the following classification.

Now there are those people who have had their “First” boyfriend at the primitive age of 10! (Yes..the 2nd boy I was comprehending had his “first” girlfriend at that age).

And there is that bunch of people who have incessantly declared their resolution to remain the humble friend of solitude- only to have had their “First” by their mid teens.

Another fraction of the crowd are those who get their first after having done some remarkable research into the psychology of the masculine. It is a different story altogether that they get their second faster than their first and the third faster than the second. The average “Coming of the First” age in this category usually varies from 18 to 21.

Then there are those who have their first – and put a period. End of story. A.K.A Marriage. This usually takes place above the “YO!” age.=>24 upwards.

And then there is me.

Problem is:

I do not know what I am feeling. I am repeatedly told that it is a great feeling. Yes I do experience bits of it now and then. And it feels good. But does it come at any price? And is it affordable? And more importantly, how do I get hold of it? But the more fundamental question I have to ask myself is: Do I need one?

Just the other day, I was going around on M G Road. The most recurring sights included a girl holding her boyfriend’s hand and having that “Oh I love you!” expression on her face. Not to mention a few doses of that “I got a boyfriend!” expression too, very distinctly displayed on her face.

Upon closer observation, one realizes that the relationship between the average MG Road boy and girl can be classified into one of the following:

1) “Truly in love”- ok, everybody actually believe that they ought to be classified under this. I know otherwise.

2) “I love you-but we may not last forever”: these are the predominant kind. They also hold hands.

3) “You know we will break up anyday-but lets enjoy now”: A.K.A Flirting. The less said about them, the better.

4) “Maybe someday we will be boyfriend-girlfriend”: these are the hopefuls…. With full of colossal dreams, they step foot on the sacred footpaths of MG Road with their guys….hoping someday that they be classified under category 1.

5) “I am trying to make up”: these can be seen in some real expensive place. It is understood that the girl is extracting the last bits of the benefits of the guy’s financial planning in return for a likely 2nd category classification.

So now I come back to my question.

Do I really need a boyfriend?

The first half of my brain says “Yes girl! You do need someone to share some intimate moments with. You do need someone whom you can call at 2 in the morning and who will be happy to hear you speak.(Wonder if things to that magnitude actually take place in love…)You need someone with whom you can hold hands and walk on MG Road. And lastly you need a boyfriend because you can then claim your classification under category 1.”

The second half of my brain said “Yes. I agree with the first half.”

Guess I don’t have much of a choice now.

But the consequential problem remains:

How do I find one?

Unfortunately I do not have any categories to classify this into. This is simply because I haven’t gone around searching for one till now. And I don’t plan to change that fact. So basically it means that I shall not be making any effort to find one. And as a natural consequence, I shall still remain single .

But then every now and then, I do feel that that extra someone may actually make a difference. Maybe that’s what needs to fill that void in me. Or, on the other hand, maybe not. Whatever be the case, I still do convince myself everyday that I am not missing anything. Or maybe that’s just the way I deny the things I am missing.

So whenever I see a girl and her boyfriend sharing some intimate talks or moments, I remind myself of the song by Simon and Garfunkel. The name of the song is “I am a rock”. And some of the specific lines that I remind myself of are as follows:

I have my books

And my poetry to protect me

I am shielded in my armor

Hiding in my room

Safe within my womb

I touch no one and no one touches me
Don’t talk of love

Well I’ve heard the word before

It’s sleeping in my memory

I won’t disturb the slumber

Of feelings that have died

If I never loved I never would have cried
I am a rock.
I am an island.
Like I said, maybe this is just a way of denying all the things that I am missing. Or maybe this is the way I am. But one thing I know for sure is that next time I see a girl and her guy, I will not make the effort to classify them…… simply because I don’t have the right to….