JUST MY RAMBLINGS!!!!!

Ah’m back! I can’t help sounding like Arnold Schwarzenegger. The absence from the blog space was not particularly because of any x, y or z reason. Nothing has kept me overtly occupied.

I remain partially employed, footloose, contemplating what to do, how to become a cleave cat with a fat bank balance, still looking for direction, chasing dreams. With another birthday hovering on my head these words (looking for direction) sound feeble and trite, as if they have been plucked out of from the thought process of a moronic child. Sometime things seem to be closing in on me.

Why should I come to terms with the whole world and meet the standards?

Quite a few like me would understand what I’m trying to say and others can call me a clueless goof.

Normally when it comes to writing, I have an odd sense of compulsion to write about certain scruffy villains, the recent one being religious fundamentalism, mob molestation, social snobbery, Modi and the Moditva. I don’t want to talk about them. Why should I bullshit the bullshitter? Enough egg has been scrambled on the face of the squalor of Indian Politics. Mob molesters once again proved how unsafe and underpowered women are. The religious fundamentalist were woefully wrong in their prognostication. Democracy did not die with Benazir in Pakistan.

On my scattered desk I can see the picture of an activist of Samajwadi Party, who set himself ablaze during his party's protest in Delhi against Uttar Pradesh chief minister. I do not want to go into the rights and wrongs of the particular case but I feel sorry for the family of this gentleman whose existence has been reduced to few lines on a national daily newspaper and had 60 seconds slot on the national channel. What good has he done to his party or the sobbing family he left behind? Arrant Nonsense. I do not want to discuss this either.

From the window of my study, the sunshine paves it way. The orange rays flirt with my face. I wonder how all my fears dissolve in the sunlight. A brighter day is all that i pray for. I can hear tweaking of a child’s balloon and flap of pigeon’s wing. Everything looks fine. There is peace inside me. God has been fairly kind. In life some things that happen are at times beyond us, we don’t have an answer. There are many scores of faces I have added to my existence in all these years. There are people, I wish to meet again and thankfully there is no one I feel I should have never met.

I presume this is life. Why we tend to ignore small pleasures and hunt for the jackpot. Does one need to put life on hold and search for happiness outside the confines of daily existence? Why people like me run amok in the pursuit of elusive happiness. Life is meant to be lived in phases. Kabhi khushi kabhi gham. The forthcoming khushi is my cousin’s wedding. The imminent gham is her leaving home.

What’s bothering me is that there would be no one to disturb me from deep slumber, with whom I would bicker about creating mess in the room and I wouldn’t be sending the standard text message “ when will you reach home” in the evening.

I am absorbed in my own thoughts, and the view outside somehow enters my absorptions. The 100 watt smile frame on the screensaver catches my attention. In the 19 sheltered years of my life, I have never known anything remotely resembling tragedy. Last year in October when my dog died, it stuck me hard. She did everything ordinary with an extraordinary effect. It takes merely few minutes to fade away. What leaves behind is the impression we create and the human lives we touch.

Why hacks like me still wonder what to do with their existence ?